Flight Attendant Flees LAX Leaving Behind 60 Lbs of Coke and Gucci Shoes

Normally when it comes to flying, flight attendants are not typically subjected to searches. Which is unfortunate, not because it is unsettling for security reasons, but because as it turns out it can be kind of entertaining when it does happen. One flight attendant at LAX was randomly selected to be searched, causing her to flee, leaving behind sixty pounds of cocaine and her Gucci shoes. While she has not been yet identified the suspect has been described as blonde, skinny, rich, and a little bit of a bitch. (Not really) although the whole ordeal was quite gaga.

After being called in for additional screening, the flight attendant made a phone call in a language that the cops “couldn’t recognize”. Really? You’re police officers. You don’t have to speak every language but you’ve got to have a decent guess when you hear one. I don’t speak Dutch but if I hear someone speaking Dutch I’ll probably at least say, “Hey that’s some Hannibal sounding stuff right there.” After she made the call in what, for all we know, could have been Klingon, she suddenly bolted, ran toward the escalators, and threw her shoes and the sixty pounds of cocaine.

I’m no expert on crime… but you know like when a criminal knows they’re going to be caught so they figure “what the hell, I may as well lead them all on an elaborate police chase, because yolo, right?” I think maybe that’s what this girl was thinking in her head (in whatever language it is she speaks, for all we know it could be Elvish). She probably thought, I’ve had my fun drug smuggling and wearing this tiny hat, I may as well throw my Gucci shoes like it’s a bouquet at a wedding, make some girl waiting for her connecting flight’s day. Not to mention make the day of everybody who’s about to become a cocaine-powdered-donut when these bags hit the ground.

Unfortunately none of that happened, all of the belongings were locked into evidence.

160321-cocaine-recovered-lax-mdl-128_7f924bd3ba31aa748d9fb9ca835f57c1.nbcnews-ux-2880-1000If the TSA isn’t going to search flight attendants because they aren’t “high risk” they should search them just in the off chance they’re going to find out more crazy secrets about their flight attendants. If one random woman had sixty pounds of cocaine and Gucci shoes and got caught, I’m sure that at least twice before she’s gotten away with a batch of pot cookies and her Air Jordans. Or at least some NyQuil and some Chinese Laundry. Or at the very, very least, some bottled water and hotel slippers she stole.

The LAPD and the DEA are still investigating. No public words yet on her whereabouts, identity, or what language she could have been speaking which could have been Portuguese or Braille as far as the LAPD is aware of.

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