Greetings, men. Do you think your erections last a long time and are large proportionally to your body?
It’s so crazy you think that, because scientists just discovered an arachnid that’s had a giant boner for some 99 million years and counting.
Okay, so it had some help from its friend amber. According to an article “Science and Nature” (summarized here by Discover Magazine), a group of researchers discovered an ancient harvestman spider* (or Halitherses grimaldii) that died with a serious need for love.
As you can see in the zoomed in photo, the penis extends almost half the length of the spider’s body, sports a heart-shaped tip, and is totally horrifying.
The member is unique enough that researchers think it represents an entirely new branch of the harvestman family tree, penises being one major way researchers differentiate species of arachnids from one another. Dick so big it’s a different species.
While the little guy certainly seems excited, there was no female found nearby, which leads them to believe it was interrupted in the middle of the act before falling into the sticky tree sap. Either that, or it became excited during the sweet release of death — which would so be something a spider is into — and froze that way, its passionate death throes preserved for all eternity. Probably that.
*Note: The harvestman is not technically a spider, but I’m making it an honorary spider in this post. It’s earned it.[h/t Discover Magazine]