Kentucky Man Holds Stolen Farm Animals Ransom In Exchange For Sex With Another Man

If we were to tell that there was a grand story involving same sex romance to come out of Kentucky, we would not blame you for asking, “What’s the Kentucky fried catch?” Well, the catch in question is not fried just yet, but it is of course involving chickens.

A man from Kentucky is currently facing charges for stealing another man’s farm animals and holding them ransom. In exchange for their return the accused is demanding the owner of the animals to have sex with him. The Kentucky man who has yet to come out of the coop is Rodney Brown. He was arrested Monday for prostitution, theft, and “third-degree terroristic threatening”, local authorities state. He stole 25 roosters, a goat, rooster pens and other tools, and threatened the owner if he reported his demands to police. The demands came in the form of text messages, from Brown, to his… crush? Victim? Farmer with benefits? Whatever the label… not to sound derogatory but… ransom demand via text messages has to be the gayest form of ransom demands in the history of ransom.

The texts were not released, but they probably went:

“U up?”

“Yes, I’m a farmer. I wake up before the sun does.”

“Ha, what next? ;)”

“Uh, I usually just handle my animals.”

“Nice, nice. If I were there, would you handle me?”

This is would be the text to be ignored. This would be the moment where any normal gay (or straight) man would send a dirty pic, not a list of ransom demands. Which raises the question, just how homophobic is Kentucky?

A man who wants to have sex with another man cannot simply go out and meet a like minded fellow? He has to 1.) wake up 2.) have homosexual thoughts, and then repress those thoughts for so long that they begin to sprout up like corn stalks in unhealthy corners of his mind so wildly, to the point where he has to then 3.) plot up a criminal act to sort of corral these gay tendencies into a setting that is familiar and acceptable in Kentucky: A farm and a series of crimes.

There are certainly far worse ways to obtain sex from an unwilling participant. Thankfully Brown did not saunter down that path of crime, or desperately shack up with the stolen goat. In fact, this occasion marks the first time in Kentucky when upon hearing a man was into other men, there was a great celebration and a huge amount of relief… even if it was only from the animals he kidnapped. But that’s progress in Kentucky.

Brown was arrested. He has since been released under the conditions that he “stays away from the owner and his animals.”

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