#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain Might Save America From A Tiny Fingered President

Donald Trump’s only weakness besides his perfectly normal hands for a five year old Swedish girl, is in fact that he believes that he has no weakness. And John Oliver is poking at that weakness like you poke at any cancerous back mole and ask, “Is this bad? It’s been here a while, I didn’t take it serious at first, but now it may be killing me. And it’s huuuuuge.” Yes, Trump is that back mole, and John Oliver is the man with the normal fingers (unlike Trump) poking at it. Poking at a cancerous mole may not make it go away. Like Trump, regular back moles are impervious to many things. But poking can’t really hurt or help it, so John… Poke away:

“At this point, Donald Trump is America’s back mole,” Oliver said on his most recent episode of Last Week Tonight With John Oliver on HBO. “It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s become frighteningly bigger, it’s no longer wise to ignore it.”

John Oliver had previously taken a moral high ground of not giving into the Trump hype. Which is wise, as talking about the Trump candidacy is a lot like feeding senile pigeons, whether you’re feeding the pests good bread crumbs or hot cigarette ash, they still seem to inexplicably grow in numbers. So the Last Week Tonight team turned the other cheek to Trump related news. Until… John Oliver came forward with some seriously scalding cigarette ash for the beady eyed New York pest that is Trump:


“[Trump is] a litigious serial liar with a string of broken business ventures and the support of a former Klan leader.” He declared. Oliver dedicated his show’s final twenty two minutes to scrubbing away the golden lacquer that stains Trump’s secretly stained past; including shoddy business ventures, inconsistent political beliefs, and his dainty fingers that he is so oddly insecure about.

About his political inconsistencies, Oliver shot,  “He’s been pro choice and pro life; he’s been for and against assault weapon bans; in favor of both bringing in Syrian refugees and deporting them out of the country… We have no way of knowing which of his inconsistent views he will hold in office.” Plus should Trump enter office and go back on what he has previously stated and make conflicting decisions, there is absolutely no telling if Trump will deny the changes, explain his decisions, or even attempt to right his wrongs because he doesn’t seem to ever believe he has any. Even though Trump actually thought that starting a mortgage company in 2006 before the housing market collapse, starting a website that looked to spell “Got Rump”, and selling steaks at The Sharper Image were perfectly smart business ventures.

By the end of the segment Oliver succeeded in breaking down each previously held belief that the Trump name is one that is coupled with success, quality, security and sound judgement. Instead he gave the Trump name a description that at best “probably does not guarantee stability and viability, but one would imagine that people feel that.” That description of the Trump brand comes from the mouth of Donald Trump Jr. himself.

To help people truly break free from the idea that Trump means success and wealth, he urged people to look at the evidence brought forward by Gwenda Blair (author of “The Trumps: Three Generations That Built An Empire”) that the Trump’s name was actually changed from “Drumpf.”

“Drumpf is much less magical. It’s the sound produced when a morbidly obese pigeon flies into the window of a foreclosed Old Navy. Drumpf: It’s the sound of a bottle of store-brand root beer falling off the shelf in a gas station minimart.”

Thus birthing the campaign #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain, birthing the domain DonaldJDrumpf.com, and the launch of a Google Chrome extension that replaces all occurrences of the false name “Trump” with “Drumpf”.

This is the type of political transparency that the country needs. Trump has already bragged about his popularity with the “uneducated”. Does the “uneducated” really want to look through tax returns or emails? No. They want to know if your real name sounds like a fart in a bath. Which Drumpf definitely does. So join in the stable and viable political transparency movement and #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain.

 

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