Putin’s 2016 Calendar Is Creepishly Intimate

If you’ve ever wanted to keep track of the days, and stay intimate with Russian President slash active lover of bare chested horseback riding Vladimir Putin, your wait is over. A startlingly intimate 2016 Putin calendar has been published by Russian tabloid, Zvezdi I Soveti (Stars and Advice). The newspaper says it has printed 200,000 copies and they are already selling out. His eager followers are invited to spend “the whole year with the Russian president” and all his bare chested, weight lifting, and dog snuggling glory.

The romantic month of February features Putin, declaring a sweet love ballad of sorts to Russian nature. Not the ability to chug vodka, Russian nature. But their snowy tundras with glorious views of Sarah Palin’s house. “Russia has infinite nature!” the caption reads,  mistaking the snow capped country for deep space. “And it was given to us – yes, that’s the right word -by God!”


Far more romantic March features the president bashfully gazing into the sunbeams as he holds a delicate flower. The caption, which reads like a desperately charming EHarmony profile for a fetishist divorcee, “I like all Russian women. I personally think Russian women are the most talented and the most beautiful.”


But if you want to skip the romance and go straight to the sex appeal, July has the page for you. Putin is shirtless, talking about his glory days as his flings a fishing line into a river. “My enthusiasm for active sport, like many others, came from my youth. And it hasn’t changed.” Yes nothing from his youth has changed. At least not mentally. Physically however maybe so.


In November, he really shows his love for the bitches. He poses with a fluffy dog, cuddling it close. “Dogs and I have very warm feelings for one another.”


These calendars can be the perfect belated Christmas gift for any Putin loving Russian. Putin’s popularity isn’t much of an argument. In his country his approval ratings average 80%. You can’t blame them, Russians can’t resist a jacked up prez.


Check Also

Trump Tariffs to Hit $200 Billion of China Goods on Sept. 24

Trump Tariffs to Hit $200 Billion of China Goods on Sept. 24

The Trump administration will slap a 10 percent tariff on about $200 billion in Chinese goods next week and more than double the rate in 2019, setting up what could be a prolonged trade war between the world’s two biggest economies.