The presidential campaign remains hot. The candidates still continue their rancorous debate over the boots on the ground. And not those tacky, over-sized, last season boots worn by our men and women in uniform. We’re talking the latest in menswear fashion, the biggest trend in political attire since the colors red, white and blue. We are talking the boots made for walking down that campaign trail all the way to the white house. The boots turning Pennsylvania avenue into Madison Avenue. We’re talking Marco Rubio’s high heeled boots.
Sen. Marco Rubio was seen strutting around in a pair of size twelve, sensible yet sexy, heels that his swooning supporters hoped he wouldn’t pull of literally because he was pulling them off in style. He called them a “heavy boot” that he would be sure to bring out “for debate purposes”. Because who can debate that his aesthetic is deadly good. Even Esquire and GQ agree with the candidate. Look out Jacob’s there is a new Marc-o on the fashion scene—Marco by Marco Rubio with Marco for Marco Rubio.
Jeb Bush was quick to jump on this style campaign season’s hottest trend. He even went as far as to hold his town hall at the Timberland headquarters in New Hampshire. It was there that he later purchased his own heavy boots. That’s right, step back Drake and drop the Timbs where we can see them because there’s a new sheriff in town looking to make those Poll Numbers Bling.
“I’d say these boots will match up really well against the Italian, fine Italian shoes that Donald Trump wears with his Brioni suits and his $500 ties,” said Jeb Bush, in real life and not in a made up article for The Onion. This is true american politics, somehow; Bickering over fashion, taking cheap shots at their opponents, and wearing Timberlands. It’s like they all just saw Straight Outta Compton and still haven’t got the vibe out of their system.
The more you think about it… the GOP candidates are a lot like Kanye West. Seriously, think about it. Like the producer turned rapper the candidates started off in the background (In the senate, in billion dollar yachts, in wherever the hell John Kaschic is from), and then, like Kanye, they inexplicably rose to our attention by being loud, brash, and claiming to be geniuses and gods. Kanye famously went against President Bush in 2005, claiming he “didn’t care about black people”, and these candidates LOVE to bad mouth Obama and talk about how much he doesn’t seem to care about the American people.
A few years later Kanye famously interrupted Taylor Swift’s VMA’s acceptance speech. And have you seen the Republican debates? “John Kasich, I’m excited for you, I’ll let you finish… But Hillary Clinton is the worst politician of all time!” Then Kanye teamed with Jay-Z for Watch The Throne, and everyone went completely H.A.M (Hard as A Motherf—er)!! Then Trump teamed up with Palin and everyone went completely B.A.C.O.N (Begging the Apocalypse to Come Obliterate us Now)!!
After Watch The Throne Kanye released the Bound 2 video that Seth Rogen and James Franco parodied. And like that parody, if Trump becomes president surely America is prepared for “The Interview 2: You’re Fired!” And now Kanye’s 400 dollar boots are the biggest thing in fashion, and the fuss over Marco Rubio’s boots are 4,000th reason to give up on the ridiculousness of the Republican presidential nominees. And still, despite all of this absurdity these men still want to be president. Kanye’s work truly is art, and life on this campaign truly imitates art.