Vladimir Putin Mocks John Kerry For Carrying His Own Luggage

Russian president Vladimir Putin took serious shots at secretary of state John Kerry. Though it is worth mentioning that these were not literal shots, even though some spur of the moment Russian Roulette does seem like it would be one of Putin’s prefered pastimes. The comments were made during a meeting that was meant to be a discussion detrimental to the advancement of humanitarianism in the transition of pulling forces from Syria, ceasing the hostile occupation, and moving forward with a political compromise between nations. But of course Putin couldn’t walk away from a conversation without flexing his muscles which are somehow both flabby and intimidatingly toned.

Putin took aim at Kerry claiming that Kerry made the Russian president “frustrated and upset” that he carried his own luggage from the plane he arrived in. “On the one hand, it’s quite a democratic way of conduct,” Putin began, “but on the other hand, I thought probably the situation in the United States is not that good and there is no one to assist the Secretary of State in carrying his luggage… Probably you brought some money with you to haggle on key matters.”

Okay let’s break that down. Putin basically told John Kerry that if he’s carrying his own clothing and personal items in a luggage off of a plane, he’s basically a pussy. But if he’s carrying a briefcase full of stack one hundred dollar bills then Putin has a few bucks to spend on absolutely anything that will get John Kerry indicted back in the states, Putin has a guy for everything that could make that happen.

If Putin is willing to mock the US secretary of state for something as menial as carrying a suitcase I can’t imagine what he would say to other people in US politics…

“Abraham Lincoln freeing the slaves? I’m a bit disappointed. Why not have the slaves fight to the death for freedoms like the Soviets did? On one hand Lincoln was democratic and fair, but on the other hand… he missed out on quite a show!”

“Oh Bernie Sanders wants Governor Snyder to resign for poisoning civilians? Why not torture Snyder until he reveals how he got away with such a sneaky mass poisoning? That is a necessary skill set that cannot be ignored!”

“Ha, Barack Obama wants to close Gitmo? Why not take all prisoners and let them loose in streets and murder all the femme punk band members? Yes! Obama would do that if the USA wasn’t so poor.”

“Trump and Cruz want to stop Muslims from entering US, and patro all Muslims already in US? …Invite them over, immediately for positive discussion.”

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