Walmart Becomes Biggest Retailer To Pull Hover Boards Off Shelves

Walmart has recently pissed off a lot of rich white boys who are too good for the pavement by pulling the douche chariots of fire that are hover boards off their shelves. Other retailers that have pulled these hover boards (that are neither hovering nor are people bored of yet even though they do nothing) include Bed Bath and Beyond. Bed Bath and Beyond, which used to keep hover boards in their Beyond section as they are beyond annoying, has now removed the item “out of an abundance of caution” after their were an abundance of explosions caused by these loser scooters.


The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission on February 18 the agency declared hover boards would be recalled if safety standards continued to not be met.

A spokesperson for Walmart said that the retailer had chosen to stop selling hover boards “out of concern for customer safety”. But they will sell them online  once the new safety standards are met, so assclowns can hover all around town if they are willing to wait 3-5 business days.

Target, Toys R Us, and Amazon and Overstock were among the first to declare that 2015 will not be the year hover boards become a normal thing—Contrary to popular Back To The Future based beliefs. Well, they were the firsts to stop selling them completely anyhow… the real people who decided hover boards weren’t going to be a thing in 2015 when a bunch of inventors ripped the handle bars off of a Segway and decided to trick us all into calling it a hover board.

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