Saturday Night Live returned from its winter break with a “recreation” of Donald Trump‘s first press conference as president-elect, which featured jobs promises, the scalding of CNN and lots of questions concerning “the great Russian pee-pee party.”
“I’d like to start by answering the question that’s on everyone’s mind: Yes, this is real life. This is really happening,” said Alec Baldwin, returning to the Trump role.
Trump first boasted about the big-name talent he’s secured for the inauguration. “We have got some of the biggest performers in the world lined up,” Trump bragged.
“Hold on to your tits and bits because we have got 3 Doors Down. Also from America’s Got Talent, we got Jackie What’s-Her-Face. And best of all we got the one Rockette with the least money in her savings.”
“Trump” then allowed the press to ask questions, with the first concerning the rumored “big Russian pee-pee party.” “I am not talking about the pee-pee, because it didn’t happen, and it wasn’t as cool as it sounds,” “Trump” responded.
The press conference then devolved into reporters asking questions about the salacious allegations concerning Trump in an intelligence report, but “Trump” dodged them to return to the subject of jobs, promising he’d deliver “a thick stream of jobs back to this country. The biggest, strongest, steadiest stream you’ve ever seen. This country will literally be showered with jobs.”
“Trump” also took questions about health care – including a promise to replace Obamacare with something better called the “Affordable Care Act” – his business divestment and the fact that intelligence proves Russia did hack the U.S. during election season, which “Trump” reluctantly admitted.
Vladimir Putin, not-so-disguised as Wolf Blitzer and with a VHS in hand that said “Pee Pee Tape,” then asked Trump if he’s really sure Russia hacked the U.S., to which the president-elect replied, “It was China.”